If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
