just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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