I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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