I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
40s are totally the cure
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
