OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
