I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
