Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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