ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
