You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
