Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We're too hungover to prance.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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