I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
