Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
