dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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