Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
