Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
