I can tuck mytits in my pants
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
