Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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