nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
