pedialite and red bull = repair kit
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
