cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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