im holly from the hills drunk
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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