That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
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