I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
