The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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