Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize