Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
