Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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