I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
