I skipped work to stalk him.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
