Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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