nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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