how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
