I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
