why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
