drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
love makes seman taste better
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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