I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
