I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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