Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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