I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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