All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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