It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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