Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
