its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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