I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
