Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
