Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
