Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
