I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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