Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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