Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
