New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
